If you look at the full LGBTQ+ acronym you'll find an A, for Asexuality. Most people can recognize the term, but not everyone understands it. With February coming to a close and discount chocolate long gone from shelves, I thought it was better late than never to take a closer look at this topic.
Greetings PodCats! In Episode 1 we talked a lot about sexuality, but one area that I thought we could use a further examination of is Asexuality. Probably the best way to start is with defining the major terms.
Asexual: "A broad spectrum of sexual orientations generally characterized by feeling varying degrees of sexual attraction or a desires for partnered sexuality" (UC Davis LGBTQIA Resource Center).
Colors represented in the top heart.
Aromantic: "A romantic orientation generally characterized by not feeling romantic attraction or a desire for romance" (UC Davis LGBTQIA Resource Center).
Colors represented in the bottom heart.
Within each of these terms there are multiple categories that we'll try to get to, but it's important to note that Asexual doesn't mean Aromantic, and Aromantic doesn't have to mean Asexual, though the later is a more common combination (for a better explanation take a look at this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201710/s-so-aromantic). The most important thing to remember here is to separate the ideas of sex and romance. Just as what happens to many other members in the LGBTQ+ Community, people generalize what they think a relationship should be and try to impose that on others. For now, just remember that sex does not equate romance and romance does not equate sex.
Asexuality
Sexuality is often seen as a spectrum and it would be correct to call it one here as well. In general, not everyone experiences the same amount or of sexual attraction. For some they experience a lot, some experience very little. We understand that asexuality lies on one side of the scale, but many don't understand that if we zoom in on that side of the scale, we'll start to see the spectrum of asexuality, similar to seeing the colors in the visible spectrum of light.
Because Asexuality is part of a spectrum, let's examine a few defined areas within that spectrum:
Sexual: a person who experiences sexual attraction.
Gray-A: A general term for someone who identifies somewhere in the grey between sexual and asexual.
Demisexual: Similar to Gray-A in that is is between sexual and asexual, but differs in that it is specifically defined as a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional bond with a person.
Asexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction.
For visual learners I've included this infographic from the Huffington Post.
Another thing to consider when looking at asexuality, is that wherever you in your identity is valid. For some people their identity is fluid and changes, where one year they may identify as homosexual and the next as asexual. All of this is valid and deserves to be respected. Healthline has a great article further explaining what being asexual means. Check it out at: https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-asexual.
I could go on and on how Asexuality can be classified, but why repeat what people have already concisely said? Take a look at this video from Tinder:
Aromantic
Zoe from above identifies as both asexual and aromantic. Some people like Zoe also identify as asexual and aromantic, but identifying as one doesn't mean you have to identify as the other too. As individuals, we all have different ideas of what we like and want. That's just a fact of life, so why should that change here? We've already talked about sexual attraction, but remember what I asked ya'll to remember? Sex does not equal romance. Thus it is entirely plausible for someone to not experience sexual attraction but do want a romantic relationship. The easiest way to identify what kind of romantic attraction someone has is to return to how we identify sexuality. Meaning, take the prefixes used in identifying sexuality and use them to identify what type of romantic attraction you feel.
Heteroromantic: Romantic attraction to someone of the opposite sex.
Homoromantic: Romantic attraction to someone of the same sex.
Biromantic: Romantic attraction to both sexes.
Panromantic: Romantic attraction is not limited to a person's sex or gender.
Aromantic: Romantic attraction ranges from very little to non existent.
However, don't fall into the trap of thinking aromantics don't want relationships- they do, their idea of a relationship just happens to include different things. Friendships and platonic relationships with deep emotional bonds tend to be what aromantics desire. The community even has a name for those types of relationships: queerplatonic.
Even then the romantic spectrum can be broken down even further, specifying how much someone desires it . This is best broken down by someone who identifies as aromantic, so I'll let Logan Plonski explain:
"Aromanticism is a spectrum! While some people simply identify as aromantic, others may use a whole variety of words to describe their experience of romantic attraction. Some of the most commonly used terms are:
Demiromantic: Only experiences romantic attraction after forming an emotional bond with someone.
Lithromantic or akoiromantic: Experiences romantic attraction without the desire to have it reciprocated, or romantic attraction that fades upon reciprocation.
Gray-aromantic: A more general term meaning that someone rarely experiences romantic attraction, or only under specific circumstances.
Quoiromantic: Inability to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction.
Cupioromantic: Someone who is aromantic but still desires a romantic relationship" (2018)
here's a link to the rest of his article: https://www.them.us/story/facts-you-should-know-about-aromantic-people
Because not everyone understands asexuality and aromanticism (even others in the LGBTQ+ Community), it can feel a little lonely and confusing. DO NOT INTERPRET THAT AS YOU ARE ALONE! You aren't, it's as simple as that and there are plenty of places to go online for more information and support.
AVEN (The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) has a vast source of information and resources on the subject of asexuality. If you, a friend, or parent have a question they have an answer: https://www.asexuality.org/
AUREA (Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy) is exactly what they say they are. While this is specifically for aromantics, the amount of information and connections through this site is invaluable. https://www.aromanticism.org/
Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week is another great resource for aromantics and isn't just limited to one week of the year. By the time this is out we'll have unfortunately missed this week(I apologize), but it's always good to keep in mind for the future. Get in contact with the community here: https://arospecawarenessweek.tumblr.com/
For younger members of the community there's The Trevor Project which is for everyone in the LGBTQ+ community. You can text and chat with people 24/7 and they have a great introduction to asexuality that I'll link here: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/
If there's anything to take from this random, hopefully educational post, it's that asexuality and varying degrees of romance are real and possible, and that for anyone in this boat, they are not alone. There is a proud, welcoming, and vocal community that would love to have you.
With love,
Lynn the PodKitten
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